Was it better to leave it all a mystery? Somewhere above my head, people were kissing. I clipped one on my wrist, then the other. What to say to someone for whom the only remaining mystery was that of my personhood, and for whom I was not sure I wanted to be a person at all? One of the straight boys asked, haltingly, if he could stroke my hips. I found it thoughtful that they provided something to help us forget how our bodies smelled as they worked.
This is far better than the human greeting of oral circle-jerking. Even the trees do it. Then, because I am always the first to do such things, I took off my dress, pulling it over my head. The chain between my wrists hit itself and made small metallic noises. If you are wondering, we shook hands like people, not bonobos. I liked the way the chain swung between my wrists. A couple that had come as a pair started kissing. After we were done, and I felt shaky and happy and turned inside out, we lay on the beanbag and talked. The night of February 14th, I washed my hair with lavender Dr. How many people can be engaged in full coitus in a two-bedroom apartment? Straight men are always surprised that you do not want to sleep with them. Subject or no subject? How to engage in the foreplay of intimacy when the final boundary of sex had already been crossed the night before, and in public? I looked at his soft, uneasy face, and said no. Though an orgy may seem like a free-for-all, all tangled limbs and flesh slapping together, in reality it proves to be more like a place in which ordinary dampers on the act of boning are simply lifted. Quite a few, as it turns out. This is no question. Occasionally, one of us would stroke another, along the arm or down the back in a smooth, long gesture. Condoms and lube were strewn throughout the apartment, also like candy. If they kissed her, she would kiss back. In spring of , an acquaintance of mine was preparing for a performance piece in which she would return all gestures directed at her. So I did some sleuthing and found him and Googled to make sure I had the right one. The metal was cool on my skin. The apartment smelled like incense, smoke rising in white columns from pillars that were burning all over the room. The night was cold and starry, and I walked carefully, to avoid slipping on ice. My fingers hovered above the keyboard.
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